“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
-Groucho Marx

“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.”
-Groucho Marx

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
-Groucho Marx

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
-Groucho Marx

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
-Groucho Marx

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
-Groucho Marx

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
-Groucho Marx

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
-Groucho Marx

“Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”
-Groucho Marx

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
-Groucho Marx

“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
-Groucho Marx

“Women should be obscene and not heard.”
-Groucho Marx

“Time wounds all heels.”
-Groucho Marx

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.”
-Groucho Marx

“I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.”
-Groucho Marx

“Politics doesn`t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.”
-Groucho Marx

“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
-Groucho Marx

“Wives are people who feel they don`t dance enough.”
-Groucho Marx