“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
Sir Winston Churchill

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
Ernest Hemingway

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
Steve Fergosi

“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?”
Henny Youngman

“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.”
Richard Braunstein

“To alcohol… The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
Homer Simpson

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Frank Sinatra

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
Dean Martin

“I’m not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment … and a stomach virus … and an inner ear infection.”
Brian the dog from Family Guy

“Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.”
W.C. Fields

“Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman’s stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.”
Mark Twain

“I like my whisky old and my women young.”
Errol Flynn

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.”
George Burns

“Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend!”
Gerard Way

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway

“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
Unknown

“I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.”
John Marcellus Huston

“If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.”
Unknown

“When the wine is in, the wit is out.”
Proverb

“I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.”
Oscar Levant

“Remember: “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.”
Unknown

“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.”
Seneca

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.”
P.J. O’Rourke

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Benjamin Franklin

“The first drink with water, the second without water, the third like water.”
Spanish Maxim

“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”
Henny Youngman

“A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.”
Unknown

“Draft beer, not people!”
Sixties peace slogan

“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat. It makes you lean….against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”
Unknown