Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), better known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. Twain is most noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which has since been called the Great American Novel, and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He is extensively quoted. During his lifetime, Twain became a friend to presidents, artists, industrialists, and European royalty. Twain enjoyed immense public popularity. His keen wit and incisive satire earned him praise from both critics and peers. William Faulkner called Twain “the father of American literature”.

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
Mark Twain

“Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.”
Mark Twain

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
Mark Twain

“The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.”
Mark Twain

“When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”
Mark Twain

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not the absence of fear.”
Mark Twain

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself.”
Mark Twain

“Classic.” A book which people praise and don’t read.
Mark Twain

“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.”
Mark Twain

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”
Mark Twain

“When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Mark Twain

“Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.”
Mark Twain

“Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have someone to divide it with.”
Mark Twain

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
Mark Twain

“Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”
Mark Twain

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
Mark Twain

“There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.”
Mark Twain

“The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”
Mark Twain

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
Mark Twain

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.”
Mark Twain

“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”
Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.”
Mark Twain

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.”
Mark Twain

“I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”
Mark Twain

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.”
Mark Twain

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
Mark Twain

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”
Mark Twain

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell.”
Mark Twain

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
Mark Twain

“Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.”
Mark Twain

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
Mark Twain

“Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.”
Mark Twain

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”
Mark Twain

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
Mark Twain

“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
Mark Twain

“If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.”
Mark Twain

“It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”
Mark Twain

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
Mark Twain

“Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.”
Mark Twain

“Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.”
Mark Twain

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
Mark Twain

“No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.”
Mark Twain

“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”
Mark Twain

“The Public is merely a multiplied “me.”
Mark Twain

“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.”
Mark Twain

“To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.”
Mark Twain